EDIT: Please note that I wrote this last Wednesday, and it is now a new week. Here's hoping I feel normal this week! :)
Two weeks ago we were in sunny southern California, taking our kids on a trip to Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm, which I wrote about already, so I won't go into detail, but when we came home, I was completely worn out. And I thought it would take a couple of days and I would feel better, but here we are two weeks later and I'm still feeling kind of extra tired, BUT I suspect it's due to not sleeping very well. I have had people suggest that I take Melatonin, but in the past when I tried it, I wasn't happy with the results. I've also had Benadryl suggested to me, but Benadryl has the opposite effect on me-- when I take it, it makes my heart race and I feel like I'm on a caffeine buzz. I don't like that feeling, and it clearly wouldn't help me sleep. I prefer not to take a "sleep aid" of any kind, but if I don't start sleeping better, I don't know what I'll do.
Now, whether that is caused by anxiety or my anxiety meds or not remains to be seen.
I'm fairly sure that the trip wearing me out was because of my social anxiety. I tend to feel exhausted after any big event that I'm responsible for, and even though I was unusually calm before the trip (shockingly so), huge crowds of people and all that time in the car are triggers. I'm feeling okay, just not quite as good as I felt a few weeks ago.
Because I was feeling really good.
Hopefully in another day or two, I will return to feeling human again. Right now, I'm wondering if the medication I'm on is no longer making enough of a difference, which would SUCK.
I also feel strongly that if I could just get one solid night of sleep, I would be okay.
It doesn't help that I came home from vacation and jumped right into a few high-stress things, including driving with my daughter to Sunday night practices in Centerville (an hour away) for a women's choir that will be singing in a special church general women's conference session (which will be televised and I'm kind of freaking out about that); having to find clothes for said conference performance; planning my son's Eagle Court of Honor; my church calling as Choir Director, which still stresses me out; my kids' medical and dental stuff piling up, along with the bills for them; getting back to work and seeing the house not getting caught up and all the normal stresses of life.
One thing at a time, though, I get through.
I realized the other day that the way I have lived my whole life with social anxiety has been to consciously not let fear make decisions for me. Fear doesn't stop me from doing the things I know I need to do, and it especially doesn't stop me from doing the things I WANT to do.
But it does make me have wacky symptoms, that's for sure.